with your family · 6 min read
staying regulated when your baby won’t stop crying
your nervous system, theirs, and the help that’s there
written by saddy babu · 20 october 2026
somatic practitioner and breathwork facilitator
the short answer
a baby’s cry is built to set off an adult’s alarm, so feeling wound up when it won’t stop is expected. babies lean on the nervous systems around them, so steadying yours helps you both: a long exhale, a loose jaw, feet on the floor, a low, slow voice. swap with another adult when you can. if you feel close to losing control, it’s safe and okay to put your baby on their back in their cot and step away for a few minutes. if the cry sounds different, or your baby seems unwell, has a fever or isn’t feeding, or you’re worried, see your gp or call healthdirect on 1800 022 222, and call 000 in an emergency. a baby under three months with a fever above 38 degrees needs to be seen urgently, so call 000 or go to an emergency department.
in this article +
why a crying baby sets off your alarm
pregnancy, birth and baby describes the pitch and intensity of a baby’s cry as designed by nature to get you to respond quickly. in a 1978 study by ann frodi and colleagues, a crying baby on video raised parents’ blood pressure and skin conductance, a measure of arousal, while a smiling one barely changed either, in mothers and fathers alike. so the tight chest and the urge to make it stop are your nervous system doing its job.
crying usually peaks around 6 to 8 weeks, when two to three hours a day is typical, and eases by 3 to 4 months. the national center on shaken baby syndrome calls this the period of PURPLE crying, an acronym for its features: a peak of crying, unexpected, resists soothing, a pain-like face, long lasting (as much as five hours a day, or more) and evening. the word period is there because it has a beginning and an end, worth repeating at 11pm.
resists soothing is the letter that wears parents down. studies the program cites from botswana, denmark and england found that babies carried almost constantly and fed whenever they cried still went through it, so when nothing works, it isn’t a verdict on you. the aim can shift from stopping the crying to looking after the person doing the soothing.
co-regulation: your baby borrows your steadiness
babies can’t settle their own nervous systems yet, so they borrow from the nearest adult. that’s co-regulation, and it runs through the body: in one study, one-year-olds back on their mothers’ laps after the mothers had faced a frowning audience showed heart rate rises of their own. your state matters even when it doesn’t change the crying, because a steadier you still gives your baby something to lean on.
you don’t have to feel calm to be steady. being activated while you can still feel yourself is what soma reset calls with self, and the moment to change something is when “I can still feel myself” starts tipping into “I’m losing myself”.
how to stay regulated while your baby cries
start with the breath: let the exhale run longer than the inhale for a minute. unclench your jaw, feel your feet on the floor and drop your voice low and slow. a hum or a long “shhh” gives your baby a steady sound and stretches your own out-breath.
then let rhythm help: patting, rocking, swaying, or a walk with the pram or a sling, as pregnancy, birth and baby suggests. raising children network notes that being on the move can calm you as well as your baby. for frustration, a 2024 review of 154 studies found that calming activities like slow breathing reduced anger, while revving up didn’t.
aim for one notch lower. small turns down, repeated, are most of what regulating your nervous system comes down to.
when to swap, and when to step away
if another adult is around, a partner, family member, friend or neighbour, swap before you reach the end of your rope.
on your own, when you feel that tip into losing yourself, put your baby on their back in their cot, walk out of earshot and give yourself a few minutes: drink some water, look at something that isn’t a baby. go back when you feel steadier, and if you need longer, the PURPLE program suggests checking on your baby every 10 to 15 minutes. short periods of crying do no long-term harm to a healthy baby.
never shake a baby. a baby’s head is heavy and their neck is weak, so one or two hard shakes can cause bleeding in the brain, brain damage or death. if you think a baby has been shaken, call 000. stepping away keeps you both safe, and there’s no shame in needing to.
repair after the hard nights
some nights you’ll lose patience, cry alongside your baby or walk out sooner than you hoped. what counts is coming back: when you’re steadier, pick your baby up, soften your face and voice, and let your breathing slow with them against you. that’s repair, and regulation for parents explains why it beats perfection.
asking for help is part of the job
pregnancy, birth and baby (1800 882 436) connects you with a maternal child health nurse, 7am to midnight eastern time, every day. tresillian (1300 272 736, for new south wales and the australian capital territory) and karitane (1300 227 464) run helplines staffed by child and family health nurses.
each state and territory has its own line: new south wales 1300 1300 52, the australian capital territory (02) 6287 3833, queensland and the northern territory 1300 30 1300, south australia 1300 364 100, tasmania 1300 808 178, and western australia’s ngala, (08) 9368 9368, or 1800 111 546 outside perth. in victoria, where parentline closed in 2025, call the maternal and child health line, 13 22 29, at any hour.
look after your own mind too. the baby blues usually pass within about ten days, but low mood or anxiety that lasts two weeks or more is worth taking to your gp, midwife or child and family health nurse. it’s common and can affect any new parent, and panda (perinatal anxiety and depression australia) runs a helpline on 1300 726 306. if you’re having thoughts of suicide, call lifeline on 13 11 14, and if you’re in immediate danger, call 000.
when someone else has the baby, my free guided body scan takes ten minutes, and soma reset has practices for your own nervous system, the one doing all the soothing.
common questions about a crying baby
is it normal to feel overwhelmed when my baby won’t stop crying?
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yes. a baby’s cry is designed to get adults moving, so feeling wound up or teary is your body answering that signal. if you feel you might lose control, put your baby on their back in their cot and step away for a few minutes.
how do I stay calm when my baby is crying?
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aim for steady rather than serene: a long exhale, a loose jaw, feet on the floor, a low, slow voice and a slow sway. babies lean on the adults around them, so a steadier you gives them something to lean on, even while the crying carries on.
is it okay to put my baby down and walk away?
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yes. put your baby on their back in their cot, walk out of earshot and go back when you feel steadier. short periods of crying do no long-term harm to a healthy baby. never shake a baby: it can cause bleeding in the brain, brain damage or death.
when should I worry about my baby’s crying?
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see your gp or call healthdirect on 1800 022 222 if the cry sounds unusual, your baby seems unwell or isn’t feeding, or you’re worried. call 000 or go to an emergency department for a weak or high-pitched cry, a baby who is hard to wake or struggling to breathe, or a fever above 38 degrees under three months old.
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written by saddy babu
everything I share is anchored in somatic and nervous-system work, but expressed through the language of presence, intuition, and emotion.
- certified somatic practitioner & nervous system educator
- certified breathwork facilitator
- specialising in parts work & emotional integration
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it can learn a new one.
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— saddy
